Judgey McJudgersons - It's never 'just you'
A whirlwind few weeks with Rose, I can't believe she is now 8 weeks old, in some ways it feels like the time has flown past and in others it seems like a lifetime ago that I went in to labour!
I found week 6 the hardest so far, I think I tried to do too much and I ended up late, sweaty and miserable to everything I attempted and felt like a bit fat failure on all fronts. I cried a lot and didn't feel good enough, and would then feel guilty and repeatedly tell Rose how much I loved her - it was a rollercoaster for everyone!
Week 6 me looking tired, unimpressed and stressed in the car!
The best thing I've read and which I now know to be true is that it is never 'just you', anything that you are thinking, feeling, worrying about is something that you can guarantee other new mums are thinking as well.
I feel constantly judged, about how I hold my baby, burp my baby, feed my baby, dress my baby, transport my baby, change my baby... and the list goes on. A lot of this perceived judgement is in my head and I am in fact judging myself, there isn't always a third party involved! Being a mum makes me constantly second guess myself in a way I never have before, and then it occurred to me this week that I am doing a 24/7 job for which I have had almost no training or experience, so no wonder I have no idea if I am doing it right!!
In my calmer and more rational moments I know that I am not being constantly judged (although I have definitely come across some Judgey McJudgersons (even a midwife!)) and that the look on someone's face sometimes means "should I tell her there is an easier way", "I wish I had worked that out faster", "I think I fancy a cheese sandwich" and the list goes on...
If I am feeling strong I will say "if there is an easier / quicker / more straight forward way please tell me as I am not sure I am doing it right!", other times I will wait until I am alone and apologise profusely to Rose for being a crap mummy. Again, rollercoaster almost sums it up!
The best way to stay sane is to be honest and always talk about it, and I couldn't have got through these weeks without my NCT mummy friends, the constant whatsapps have been a life savour and it is unbelievably reassuring to know no question is too random or stupid and that it really isn't 'just me'. New mums are a really vulnerable group and we spend a lot of time on our own feeling like we have no idea what we are doing and so the support of people in the same boat is invaluable, if you didn't head to an NCT class or similar don't be afraid to try lots of the local groups and get chatting to new mums there, everyone will be happy to talk.
If you need a quick burst of online support and positivity when you're on a bus / coffee shop / dr's waiting room etc I would head to Instagram rather than Google, on Instagram you will find the honest mums keeping it real and offering real help and advice and reminding you we are all winging it. Google sometimes offers a rabbit hole of Judgey McJudgersons (not always, but sometimes!)
Rose is an absolute joy and I LOVE being her mummy, I can't believe I get to be with her every day and her smiles are like rays of sunshine. That said, this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I know nobody said it was easy but nothing can prepare you for how all consuming it really is.
The point of this blog - if you are a new mum remember it really isn't just you, anything you are thinking or feeling can be shared with your support network and no one will think you are a wally, they will rush to your side with words of wisdom / hugs / tea / wine / cake - I can't believe how much cake!!
If you are a friend of mine and already have babies know that you are a constant source of inspiration and I mentally high five you all day long for leading the way and being such awesome mums! I really couldn't do this without you all, so thank you!
I found week 6 the hardest so far, I think I tried to do too much and I ended up late, sweaty and miserable to everything I attempted and felt like a bit fat failure on all fronts. I cried a lot and didn't feel good enough, and would then feel guilty and repeatedly tell Rose how much I loved her - it was a rollercoaster for everyone!
Week 6 me looking tired, unimpressed and stressed in the car!
The best thing I've read and which I now know to be true is that it is never 'just you', anything that you are thinking, feeling, worrying about is something that you can guarantee other new mums are thinking as well.
I feel constantly judged, about how I hold my baby, burp my baby, feed my baby, dress my baby, transport my baby, change my baby... and the list goes on. A lot of this perceived judgement is in my head and I am in fact judging myself, there isn't always a third party involved! Being a mum makes me constantly second guess myself in a way I never have before, and then it occurred to me this week that I am doing a 24/7 job for which I have had almost no training or experience, so no wonder I have no idea if I am doing it right!!
In my calmer and more rational moments I know that I am not being constantly judged (although I have definitely come across some Judgey McJudgersons (even a midwife!)) and that the look on someone's face sometimes means "should I tell her there is an easier way", "I wish I had worked that out faster", "I think I fancy a cheese sandwich" and the list goes on...
If I am feeling strong I will say "if there is an easier / quicker / more straight forward way please tell me as I am not sure I am doing it right!", other times I will wait until I am alone and apologise profusely to Rose for being a crap mummy. Again, rollercoaster almost sums it up!
The best way to stay sane is to be honest and always talk about it, and I couldn't have got through these weeks without my NCT mummy friends, the constant whatsapps have been a life savour and it is unbelievably reassuring to know no question is too random or stupid and that it really isn't 'just me'. New mums are a really vulnerable group and we spend a lot of time on our own feeling like we have no idea what we are doing and so the support of people in the same boat is invaluable, if you didn't head to an NCT class or similar don't be afraid to try lots of the local groups and get chatting to new mums there, everyone will be happy to talk.
If you need a quick burst of online support and positivity when you're on a bus / coffee shop / dr's waiting room etc I would head to Instagram rather than Google, on Instagram you will find the honest mums keeping it real and offering real help and advice and reminding you we are all winging it. Google sometimes offers a rabbit hole of Judgey McJudgersons (not always, but sometimes!)
The point of this blog - if you are a new mum remember it really isn't just you, anything you are thinking or feeling can be shared with your support network and no one will think you are a wally, they will rush to your side with words of wisdom / hugs / tea / wine / cake - I can't believe how much cake!!
If you are a friend of mine and already have babies know that you are a constant source of inspiration and I mentally high five you all day long for leading the way and being such awesome mums! I really couldn't do this without you all, so thank you!
Amen, sistah!
ReplyDeleteAll of this.