What I've learnt about breastfeeding so far
I am fairly nervous to write this post as I know breastfeeding stirs a lot of emotions and opinions and so let me be clear that this is a post about how I have found breastfeeding, in the hope that it helps just one person, as I wish I had come across something similar before Rose arrived. Everyone chooses the best way to feed their own baby, the most important part being that the baby gets fed! This is just a few notes on my personal meandering down the breastfeeding road.
When I was pregnant it felt like every medical professional I came across mentioned breastfeeding, or asked me if I would be breastfeeding, and subsequently ticked all the relevant boxes on my various records and paperwork. At the time I often said I would be breastfeeding just in case I would be in for a deluge of persuasion or information. I had every intention of trying to breastfeed but didn't see the need to discuss it further with these 3rd parties, and when Liam and I discussed it we both agreed no pressure, I would do my best and I hoped I could do it for a minimum of 3 months but if not no problem.
I was in complete denial that this would mean getting my boobs out in public (discreetly obviously, not flasher style), I haven't worn what I would deem a particularly low cut top since 2005 and I don't sunbathe topless, and I have even been called old fashioned because of my prudish ways, so why I thought I would suddenly feel completely different when breastfeeding is beyond me!
Fast forward and what I wish those multiple 3rd parties had said is:
"The reason we are all mentioning breastfeeding so frequently is not because we believe only 'breast is best', the reason we all mention it is because we know it will be hard and we want to make sure that we have reassured you as many times as we possibly can that there is support available to you whenever and however you need it"
The support available is unbelievable, in the hospital a midwife will patiently sit with you for every feed whilst you are there and then a midwife and breastfeeding midwife will arrive the day after you get home to check how things are going. Almost every day there is the opportunity to go and visit a local health visitor or midwife led group when you can get additional support and there are online and telephone support groups. There is no end to the support available because if you have decided to have a go people want to be there for you - so please let them.
The reason there are all of these people offering to help is because breastfeeding is not easy!! I know some people (both mum and baby) take to it like a duck to water but the majority of people I have spoken to about this had a rocky start or have at some point found breastfeeding one of the hardest things they have ever done.
This sounds negative, which is not my intention, I am writing this because I was completely naive about how hard breastfeeding would be and how hard I would find it emotionally when it was not plain sailing, and I want people to know they are not alone if they are in those early days and looking for someone to say 'It's not just you'.
Here are the things I wish I had known:
Breastfeeding is not completely intuitive - you have never done it before and your baby has never done it before, your baby will know how to get to your boob and that they want the milk but they do not arrive knowing how to achieve the perfect latch (if only!).
It hurts - at some point it is going to hurt - a lot! When people say feed through it please listen as they are completely right and it genuinely works. Nipple cream is expensive but worth every penny so buy some before you go in to hospital if you can and start applying after every feed, when I forget I always regret it.
You have to talk about it - don't be afraid to mention that you are finding it hard to your friends, family, NCT buds or the health visitor, don't think there is anything wrong in admitting you feel like a failure for not being perfect at this task that our bodies are supposedly made for. New mums are a sensitive bunch and boobs are a very personal thing so often people may be reluctant to enquire or offer help until they know you would like to talk about it, mention it and I am sure everyone will give you a hug, make you a cup of tea and then talk through how things can get better.
It is exhausting - every baby feeds at different intervals and for different lengths of time, don't expect a schedule you've read in a book as every single baby is completely individual and you will soon know what seems right for you and the bubba. Eat and drink as much as you can, when you can, it is surprising how fast the feeds come round and you need to keep up your strength to keep the two of you going. When you are breastfeeding is not the time to be thinking about dieting.
It doesn't magically improve after a month - I was completely convinced this was the case, it is different for everyone, it could be 2 days or 6 months. Parts of breastfeeding will improve without you noticing and day by day it will get easier.
It can be wonderful - When it is just you and the baby, in a quiet and comfy space and you get the perfect latch it is wonderful, your baby will be happy and content and growing big and strong and you will have a moment to relax and enjoy the quiet and marvel at this wonderful baby you made.
You can eat as much chocolate as you like - the baby needs it ;) fill your boots!
Do a breast pad check after a feed - I recently went in 4 shops on Albany Road before I realised one was poking out of my top!
Wear breast pads - not necessarily all the time but in the first couple of months there will definitely be leaky moments.
Always remember a happy mummy equals a happy baby - do whatever is best for you and your family and don't worry about anyone else!
At 9 or 10 weeks I became resigned to feeding in public and I now try to be more care free about getting my boob out when out and about. No matter how many times people tell me that no one can say anything, or that it is their problem not mine if someone doesn't like it, it doesn't stop me being worried I am offending someone or that someone is going to tut or send me a judgey look. As I said, new mums are a very sensitive bunch and a judgemental glance can send you in to spirals of self doubt (no resting bitch faces near me please! ;))
I have now been breastfeeding for 11 weeks and I feel like I deserve a medal, whether you're feeding using breast milk or formula, feeding a baby whichever way is best for your family is still a relentless and tiring task which takes up all of your time and energy. I know I would have given up breastfeeding by now without Liam's encouragement and the support of my NCT friends, I still have 'I can't do this anymore!' moments but they are less frequent and mainly come in the growth spurt weeks!
Helpful hints I've found along the way:
Use an app in those early days to track baby's feeds - in my sleep deprived state I couldn't remember when Rose had last been fed or for how long and midwives will ask you to see if there are any changes you could make to help with early weight gain and an app could help.
Expressing is your friend - if you can express some milk it will mean your support team can feed baby while you have a nap or get some fresh air. If you are feeding by formula perhaps have the gear out ready in the kitchen for someone visiting to be able to make up the bottle if that would help.
Have snacks and water ready for night feeds - remember going back to sleep means getting up again in a couple of hours and so a snack will provide energy for that next feed, whether it is formula or breastmilk, my bedside table always has a multitude of random foods available.
Layer your clothes - going into the colder months you are going to want to keep covered up when it's time to feed and it also means you can feed more discreetly when out and about if you need to.
Have a muslin ready - when I'm at home I always start feeding and realise there isn't one near me and then play the dicey 'please don't puke!' game until I can get to one to burp Rose!
Ask for help - everyone has had a different feeding journey and will have a random hint or two that might make all the difference.
Helpful products:
I love these Tommee Tippee wipes to use on Rose's dummy when we're out and about and they can be used on bottles too:
Available from Amazon, Sainsbury's etc
A friend highly recommends this pump, available on Amazon or eBay, I have ordered one but not had a go yet:
I'm obsessed with my Matalan vests as they are super stretchy!!
Moving forward...
For now I am taking each day as it comes and moving towards the 3 month mark as that was what I hoped to achieve, and then I will see where we are and what seems right for each day after that.
I must say that I don't feel like there is any pressure on me to breastfeed, I would like to keep going and Rose seems very happy, I just find it hard sometimes and wanted to get my thoughts down 'on paper' in case they would be of comfort to someone else.
I have found little information on combination feeding so if you do a combination of both breastfeeding and formula please feel free to share how you have found it in the comments.
In the meantime...
When I was pregnant it felt like every medical professional I came across mentioned breastfeeding, or asked me if I would be breastfeeding, and subsequently ticked all the relevant boxes on my various records and paperwork. At the time I often said I would be breastfeeding just in case I would be in for a deluge of persuasion or information. I had every intention of trying to breastfeed but didn't see the need to discuss it further with these 3rd parties, and when Liam and I discussed it we both agreed no pressure, I would do my best and I hoped I could do it for a minimum of 3 months but if not no problem.
I was in complete denial that this would mean getting my boobs out in public (discreetly obviously, not flasher style), I haven't worn what I would deem a particularly low cut top since 2005 and I don't sunbathe topless, and I have even been called old fashioned because of my prudish ways, so why I thought I would suddenly feel completely different when breastfeeding is beyond me!
Fast forward and what I wish those multiple 3rd parties had said is:
"The reason we are all mentioning breastfeeding so frequently is not because we believe only 'breast is best', the reason we all mention it is because we know it will be hard and we want to make sure that we have reassured you as many times as we possibly can that there is support available to you whenever and however you need it"
The support available is unbelievable, in the hospital a midwife will patiently sit with you for every feed whilst you are there and then a midwife and breastfeeding midwife will arrive the day after you get home to check how things are going. Almost every day there is the opportunity to go and visit a local health visitor or midwife led group when you can get additional support and there are online and telephone support groups. There is no end to the support available because if you have decided to have a go people want to be there for you - so please let them.
The reason there are all of these people offering to help is because breastfeeding is not easy!! I know some people (both mum and baby) take to it like a duck to water but the majority of people I have spoken to about this had a rocky start or have at some point found breastfeeding one of the hardest things they have ever done.
This sounds negative, which is not my intention, I am writing this because I was completely naive about how hard breastfeeding would be and how hard I would find it emotionally when it was not plain sailing, and I want people to know they are not alone if they are in those early days and looking for someone to say 'It's not just you'.
Here are the things I wish I had known:
Breastfeeding is not completely intuitive - you have never done it before and your baby has never done it before, your baby will know how to get to your boob and that they want the milk but they do not arrive knowing how to achieve the perfect latch (if only!).
It hurts - at some point it is going to hurt - a lot! When people say feed through it please listen as they are completely right and it genuinely works. Nipple cream is expensive but worth every penny so buy some before you go in to hospital if you can and start applying after every feed, when I forget I always regret it.
You have to talk about it - don't be afraid to mention that you are finding it hard to your friends, family, NCT buds or the health visitor, don't think there is anything wrong in admitting you feel like a failure for not being perfect at this task that our bodies are supposedly made for. New mums are a sensitive bunch and boobs are a very personal thing so often people may be reluctant to enquire or offer help until they know you would like to talk about it, mention it and I am sure everyone will give you a hug, make you a cup of tea and then talk through how things can get better.
It is exhausting - every baby feeds at different intervals and for different lengths of time, don't expect a schedule you've read in a book as every single baby is completely individual and you will soon know what seems right for you and the bubba. Eat and drink as much as you can, when you can, it is surprising how fast the feeds come round and you need to keep up your strength to keep the two of you going. When you are breastfeeding is not the time to be thinking about dieting.
It doesn't magically improve after a month - I was completely convinced this was the case, it is different for everyone, it could be 2 days or 6 months. Parts of breastfeeding will improve without you noticing and day by day it will get easier.
It can be wonderful - When it is just you and the baby, in a quiet and comfy space and you get the perfect latch it is wonderful, your baby will be happy and content and growing big and strong and you will have a moment to relax and enjoy the quiet and marvel at this wonderful baby you made.
You can eat as much chocolate as you like - the baby needs it ;) fill your boots!
Do a breast pad check after a feed - I recently went in 4 shops on Albany Road before I realised one was poking out of my top!
Wear breast pads - not necessarily all the time but in the first couple of months there will definitely be leaky moments.
Always remember a happy mummy equals a happy baby - do whatever is best for you and your family and don't worry about anyone else!
At 9 or 10 weeks I became resigned to feeding in public and I now try to be more care free about getting my boob out when out and about. No matter how many times people tell me that no one can say anything, or that it is their problem not mine if someone doesn't like it, it doesn't stop me being worried I am offending someone or that someone is going to tut or send me a judgey look. As I said, new mums are a very sensitive bunch and a judgemental glance can send you in to spirals of self doubt (no resting bitch faces near me please! ;))
I have now been breastfeeding for 11 weeks and I feel like I deserve a medal, whether you're feeding using breast milk or formula, feeding a baby whichever way is best for your family is still a relentless and tiring task which takes up all of your time and energy. I know I would have given up breastfeeding by now without Liam's encouragement and the support of my NCT friends, I still have 'I can't do this anymore!' moments but they are less frequent and mainly come in the growth spurt weeks!
Helpful hints I've found along the way:
Use an app in those early days to track baby's feeds - in my sleep deprived state I couldn't remember when Rose had last been fed or for how long and midwives will ask you to see if there are any changes you could make to help with early weight gain and an app could help.
Expressing is your friend - if you can express some milk it will mean your support team can feed baby while you have a nap or get some fresh air. If you are feeding by formula perhaps have the gear out ready in the kitchen for someone visiting to be able to make up the bottle if that would help.
Have snacks and water ready for night feeds - remember going back to sleep means getting up again in a couple of hours and so a snack will provide energy for that next feed, whether it is formula or breastmilk, my bedside table always has a multitude of random foods available.
Layer your clothes - going into the colder months you are going to want to keep covered up when it's time to feed and it also means you can feed more discreetly when out and about if you need to.
Have a muslin ready - when I'm at home I always start feeding and realise there isn't one near me and then play the dicey 'please don't puke!' game until I can get to one to burp Rose!
Ask for help - everyone has had a different feeding journey and will have a random hint or two that might make all the difference.
Helpful products:
I love these Tommee Tippee wipes to use on Rose's dummy when we're out and about and they can be used on bottles too:
Available from Amazon, Sainsbury's etc
A friend highly recommends this pump, available on Amazon or eBay, I have ordered one but not had a go yet:
I'm obsessed with my Matalan vests as they are super stretchy!!
Moving forward...
For now I am taking each day as it comes and moving towards the 3 month mark as that was what I hoped to achieve, and then I will see where we are and what seems right for each day after that.
I must say that I don't feel like there is any pressure on me to breastfeed, I would like to keep going and Rose seems very happy, I just find it hard sometimes and wanted to get my thoughts down 'on paper' in case they would be of comfort to someone else.
I have found little information on combination feeding so if you do a combination of both breastfeeding and formula please feel free to share how you have found it in the comments.
In the meantime...
Great post Claire. Determination is what got me through the first few weeks with Jack and then it got so much easier. He only weaned at about 17 months, I found it a great toddler meltdown cure and miss it now :) new squish will be here in 14 weeks so fingers crossed it will be just as successful journey as the last time. Let us know how the haakaa pump goes, I've been meaning to order one. It has been getting great reviews over here. Kerry Hendley
ReplyDeleteI have now had a go with the Haakaa and haven't had much luck yet, not sure I'm using it correctly (?!) but my friend swears by it so going to ask her advice, will let you know how it goes!
DeleteGreat post Claire. Determination is what got me through the first few weeks with Jack and then it got so much easier. He only weaned at about 17 months, I found it a great toddler meltdown cure and miss it now :) new squish will be here in 14 weeks so fingers crossed it will be just as successful journey as the last time. Let us know how the haakaa pump goes, I've been meaning to order one. It has been getting great reviews over here. Kerry Hendley
ReplyDelete