3 months in to motherhood, what I now know to be true
This post has taken so long to publish that Rose is actually now nearly 15 weeks but at three months I took a moment to reflect on what had changed over the last few weeks and what I now know to be true, that I probably didn't believe in those first few days.
Crying
Babies do stop crying, those first couple of weeks where they cry endlessly and for no apparent reason do end. To the point where when they are quiet for a time you think something must be wrong with them for them to have stopped! Now I know it's because they are letting you know everything is all a bit new and crazy and the only way they can communicate is to cry.
Bathing them gets easier
This was one of the worst times for me as Rose screamed like we were hurting her, to the point where I was sure the neighbours must have been able to hear her and it took us a long time to settle her down afterwards. This stopped after a week and is apparently normal, thankfully she now loves the bath!
People aren't judging you
Ok some people are but the majority of people are very considerate and will want to chat with you about your baby and tell you all about their grown up children. New mantra - do whatever is right for you and your family and don't worry about anyone else.
Sleep
I had such bad pelvis pain when I was pregnant that I actually get more sleep now Rose is here.
People talk a lot about sleep deprivation when it comes to parenthood but I am not convinced that we should put so much emphasis on it when discussing the effects of a baby on your life when talking to new parents. We know that people can survive on less sleep if they have to, what people can't survive on is mental exhaustion coupled with no sleep. Imagine your body is suddenly the sole source for another human and as well as this you are responsible for keeping that human alive and they are completely helpless. Throw in that you have received no training and have never met this person before and new parents are mentally exhausted as well as sleep deprived, which is a scary combination.
When I feel tired I may have had several hours sleep, but I might have breastfed on demand for up to 16 hours of the day, sang 'you are my sunshine' endlessly until I'm losing my voice, stood rocking a baby with wind while they scream in my face and walked miles in the hope they take a nap. Throw in all the worries involved with a newborn (to vaccinate or not to vaccinate, watching they don't ingest something they shouldn't, avoiding nappy rash, keeping on top of eczma etc etc) and you are really, really tired.
This is not a whinge, it is a reminder that we shouldn't just focus on how many hours sleep new parents are getting as it is only one part of the new parent journey and we should make sure everyone is getting the support they need, not just more sleep.
via GIPHY
You will need less nappies
This makes me laugh as although there are no doubt tons of nappy changes required you end up changing the baby twice as much as you need to in the early days because you are trying everything you can think of when they cry!
Patience
You have patience reserves you had no idea existed when it comes to your baby.
Caveat - only for your baby, you actually have less patience with everyone else! In my case anyway.
via GIPHY
Breastfeeding does get easier
This is a different experience for every person but I found that slowly but surely it has gotten much easier.
Fresh air makes everything better
It really does, it gives you a moment to breathe deep lungfuls of restorative air and will almost always make your baby go to sleep. When you feel like you're going mad in the house put the baby in the pram and get outside, walking and being outside is good for you and your baby in so many ways, I can't recommend this enough.
via GIPHY
Talking always helps
Be honest, talk with family and friends and get anything off your chest / ask questions, I've been shocked at how many subjects are now commonplace in every conversation (poo, sick, boobs etc) but talking really does help and can be both therapeutic and reassuring.
It's never just you
Whatever you are feeling, you are not alone, so don't worry.
New mums are very sensitive
People expect you to be hormonal when they can see the bump, if anything you are more hormonal and emotional when your life has been turned upside down by the arrival of your bundle of joy. If you know new mums please be sensitive, think about what you're saying as they are highly impressionable and you should focus on positive subjects when you can.
One last thing - hug new mums. I noticed after a few weeks that I was dishing out a serious number of hugs to Rose but wasn't get as many hugs as I used to, as when people arrive you have the baby in your arms, the same when they come to leave. Dish out hugs to new mums left, right and centre, remember they need some attention too and a hug is always lovely!
via GIPHY
That's it for now, as usual the last few weeks have brought LOTS of change, we have had immunisations and giggles, as well as attempts at making lots of 'chatter' noise and lots more sleep, the next few weeks may bring rolling over and more laughs as well as Christmas plans and hopefully some sitting up.
I love being a mum and nothing can prepare you for how much you will love your baby, at first you are surviving and then things start to get easier and you realise you can't really remember how it felt before they arrived, you can recall what it was like day to day in terms of all that extra time, nipping to the shops, big nights out, but I can't remember what it felt like without all these extra feelings of love and protection I now have, on the hardest of days a baby smile and cuddle always fixes everything!
Crying
Babies do stop crying, those first couple of weeks where they cry endlessly and for no apparent reason do end. To the point where when they are quiet for a time you think something must be wrong with them for them to have stopped! Now I know it's because they are letting you know everything is all a bit new and crazy and the only way they can communicate is to cry.
Bathing them gets easier
This was one of the worst times for me as Rose screamed like we were hurting her, to the point where I was sure the neighbours must have been able to hear her and it took us a long time to settle her down afterwards. This stopped after a week and is apparently normal, thankfully she now loves the bath!
People aren't judging you
Ok some people are but the majority of people are very considerate and will want to chat with you about your baby and tell you all about their grown up children. New mantra - do whatever is right for you and your family and don't worry about anyone else.
Sleep
I had such bad pelvis pain when I was pregnant that I actually get more sleep now Rose is here.
People talk a lot about sleep deprivation when it comes to parenthood but I am not convinced that we should put so much emphasis on it when discussing the effects of a baby on your life when talking to new parents. We know that people can survive on less sleep if they have to, what people can't survive on is mental exhaustion coupled with no sleep. Imagine your body is suddenly the sole source for another human and as well as this you are responsible for keeping that human alive and they are completely helpless. Throw in that you have received no training and have never met this person before and new parents are mentally exhausted as well as sleep deprived, which is a scary combination.
When I feel tired I may have had several hours sleep, but I might have breastfed on demand for up to 16 hours of the day, sang 'you are my sunshine' endlessly until I'm losing my voice, stood rocking a baby with wind while they scream in my face and walked miles in the hope they take a nap. Throw in all the worries involved with a newborn (to vaccinate or not to vaccinate, watching they don't ingest something they shouldn't, avoiding nappy rash, keeping on top of eczma etc etc) and you are really, really tired.
This is not a whinge, it is a reminder that we shouldn't just focus on how many hours sleep new parents are getting as it is only one part of the new parent journey and we should make sure everyone is getting the support they need, not just more sleep.
via GIPHY
You will need less nappies
This makes me laugh as although there are no doubt tons of nappy changes required you end up changing the baby twice as much as you need to in the early days because you are trying everything you can think of when they cry!
Patience
You have patience reserves you had no idea existed when it comes to your baby.
Caveat - only for your baby, you actually have less patience with everyone else! In my case anyway.
via GIPHY
Breastfeeding does get easier
This is a different experience for every person but I found that slowly but surely it has gotten much easier.
Fresh air makes everything better
It really does, it gives you a moment to breathe deep lungfuls of restorative air and will almost always make your baby go to sleep. When you feel like you're going mad in the house put the baby in the pram and get outside, walking and being outside is good for you and your baby in so many ways, I can't recommend this enough.
via GIPHY
Talking always helps
Be honest, talk with family and friends and get anything off your chest / ask questions, I've been shocked at how many subjects are now commonplace in every conversation (poo, sick, boobs etc) but talking really does help and can be both therapeutic and reassuring.
It's never just you
Whatever you are feeling, you are not alone, so don't worry.
New mums are very sensitive
People expect you to be hormonal when they can see the bump, if anything you are more hormonal and emotional when your life has been turned upside down by the arrival of your bundle of joy. If you know new mums please be sensitive, think about what you're saying as they are highly impressionable and you should focus on positive subjects when you can.
One last thing - hug new mums. I noticed after a few weeks that I was dishing out a serious number of hugs to Rose but wasn't get as many hugs as I used to, as when people arrive you have the baby in your arms, the same when they come to leave. Dish out hugs to new mums left, right and centre, remember they need some attention too and a hug is always lovely!
via GIPHY
That's it for now, as usual the last few weeks have brought LOTS of change, we have had immunisations and giggles, as well as attempts at making lots of 'chatter' noise and lots more sleep, the next few weeks may bring rolling over and more laughs as well as Christmas plans and hopefully some sitting up.
I love being a mum and nothing can prepare you for how much you will love your baby, at first you are surviving and then things start to get easier and you realise you can't really remember how it felt before they arrived, you can recall what it was like day to day in terms of all that extra time, nipping to the shops, big nights out, but I can't remember what it felt like without all these extra feelings of love and protection I now have, on the hardest of days a baby smile and cuddle always fixes everything!
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