Empowering women through honesty about breastfeeding

I didn't realise it was World Breastfeeding Week this week and then a friend shared an article on Facebook that really resonated with me, it can be found here:

Don’t infantilise pregnant women. Tell them how tough breastfeeding can be

Lizzy Davies

I wrote much of this blog as a post on my Facebook page and I wanted to share it with you all, and my friends have agreed for some of their subsequent comments to be included. I didn't ever think I would become someone determined to speak up about breastfeeding on such a regular basis but I was genuinely shocked by how different it was to how I thought it was going to be and I want my friends to feel they can ask questions and feel 'ready' if it is something they want to do, I don't want them to feel as blindsided as I did at the time! 

In my opinion the Guardian article is brilliant. I loved breastfeeding Rosie and I would definitely recommend it, on the flip side it is the hardest thing I have ever done! 

I completely agree that we should be more honest with mums to be regarding breastfeeding, as it will be much more empowering and they will prepare themselves for the challenge. One of the hardest feelings as a new mum is feeling like you aren't doing something right and it is important that everyone knows these things don't 'just happen'; you and your baby have never done it before and like all things in life practise makes perfect. (I wrote a blog along these lines in the early days which can be found here - goo.gl/pKN9xm)

It's also not going to work for everyone and it's important people prepare themselves for that and understand that it's 100% ok if you change your mind, and your baby will be happy and fed whichever route you choose. I don't think this is covered very well during pregnancy, you are asked which way you want to go but no one mentions/ suggests a plan b and I believe this contributes to the 'mum guilt' when things don't go to plan. 

Emma T struggled through a few weeks of tough breastfeeding times before things started to feel more 'normal' - "I always had the impression with breastfeeding you just lob your boob out and hey presto they'd happily suck away! No one told me about all the difficulties and other options if things don't click in place right away!"

Emma added "My advice to anyone is just do what feels natural for you and your baby. (And buy lots of nipple cream!) " I totally agree with this advice!! 

In my case a friend suggested I take a small bottle of newborn formula in my hospital bag if I was worried, so that I had options, I did breastfeed from the start but I'm a planner and I personally found comfort in knowing that I had prepared for every eventuality.

Breastfeeding can be a minefield and I'm pleased to see the conversation move on from focusing purely on the issue of where and on to the realities of what new mothers are going through; feeding your baby is relentless and a huge responsibility whether it is breast or bottle and new mothers need our support to know it's totally normal and ok to find it extremely challenging - you're still being an awesome mummy!!!

Emma B made a really good point:

"it's also important to remember that historically mums would spend a week in hospital learning to feed their little ones (and care for them), society has moved on, and so many of us hope to be home in 6 hours, but breastfeeding is the same as it was before, there have been no 'advances' to keep up with societal change"

I can remember thinking 'why is everyone else finding it so easy?!' And then one person opens up the conversation with 'this is so bloody hard' and suddenly the gates of honesty open and you can all admit that it is challenging. This doesn't mean you have failed or want to give up, like anything in life we can discuss when the chips are down and seek advice, support and encouragement from our network, for some reason the mum guilt sometimes makes us feel we shouldn't mention it and our brains tell us 'it's just us'. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's never just you!! 

Lizzy Davies is right in the Guardian piece in that everything we learn about breastfeeding in advance does imply that it might be easy or straightforward and we cling to that! And it is for some people, but not everyone.

Despite babies being born every day I feel the topic of breastfeeding is still very rarely discussed and I don't remember it being something I discussed with my mum or Liam's mum in any detail before Rose was born. I briefly discussed it with friends but with the benefit of hindsight I can understand that they may have been reluctant to discuss what it's really like. It's hard to find the balance of being honest but not putting someone off!

In my experience breastfeeding was easily the hardest thing I have had to do in my life so far, both physically and emotionally, at the same time it was an amazing experience and 100% worth it, I am so pleased (and also proud of myself for a myriad of reasons) that I stuck with it because it did genuinely get better every day.  For anyone reading this who is pregnant or hoping to be pregnant soon please read this post in the spirit with which it is intended and remember - 

• We want you to know it won't be easy 
• We want you to know sometimes you will definitely want to throw in the towel ('never give up on a bad day')
• We want you to know it will be a challenge (like most new things you try in life)
• We want you to know you have options 
• We want you to know that no one is judging any decision you make about you and your baby
• We want you to know it will get easier  
• We want you to know we are here for you 

I felt Jo's Facebook comment brilliantly summed things up, and I always listen to Jo as she is a constant source of mum inspiration for me - 

"It's like everything parenthood though, you find your own way, what works for you and your baby. And ultimately as long as everyone is happy and has full tummies, you're winning regardless of how they got fed."

Know that if you choose to breastfeed there will be a huge amount of support available to you and you just need to talk about it as much as you need to and every day it will hopefully get a bit easier x